he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
