By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
