She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
