I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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