My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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