I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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