I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
