If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
