I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
