She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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