haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
