At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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