Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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