He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
