dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize