I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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