is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
