we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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