so that wasnt chicken after all
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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