we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize