I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
