i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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