I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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