How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
