ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
