Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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