i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
