i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize