how can u be prego again
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
