i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
