I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize