I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
