I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
