its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
