Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
