Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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