Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
