the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
