I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
