Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize