i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
