I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
