Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
His hands were made for my vagina.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
