I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There r osticjed everywhere
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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