Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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