i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
