I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize