I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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