She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
