...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
