just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
