biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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