I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
