I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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