I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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