oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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