You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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