i just snorted my name. best moment ever
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
