I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
