my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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