I haven't been this sober since birth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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