and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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