i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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