they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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