im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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