What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
