You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
