I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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