I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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