That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
