What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
