i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
