Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
