dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
