Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
