I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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