Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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