Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
