Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
