Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
