i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
