im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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