thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
