you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
