i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
