I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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