New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
