Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
