Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
