y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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