i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
