yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
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