the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
