She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
