I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
