i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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