Quick, to the slutcave!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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