Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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