I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
