I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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