Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
