I cut my penus on the lid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
