if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
