if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
