found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
