How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
