I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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