just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
