i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
