I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
