Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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