OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
